Saturday, August 11, 2012

Finding Grace and Beauty in The Cross

Although, I have shared this in a couple of other previous blogs, still there are people who have not yet heard the news of what happened with me and my daughters following the birth of my second daughter, Grace. And since I have been thanking people for their prayers for us and asking for continued prayers... I'd like to share again, what has happened and where we are with it all today.

It's a long story, though, to make it shorter... what happened is that because I have a chemical imbalance that I have to take medication for and is very manageable and livable...  I ended up having post partun depression, which I am pre-disposed to having after the birth because of my chemical imbalance.

75% of women after giving birth, experience what is called, "the baby blues," and periods of sadness, tiredness, inadequacy and so on.  This is considered to be quite, "normal," however, if it persists for it can become post partum depression, or could have already been post partum depression, without the mother ever even knowing it.

Many women end up having postpartum depression after the birth of a baby, and despite what they might feel at the time, (like they will never overcome it and get better), they do and even up recovering completely from it and going on to live happy, healthy, blessed lives with their children, especially with God's Love, Grace and continuous Guidance... becoming the wonderful mothers they hoped they would be!

I experienced postpartum depression after the birth of both of my daughters, which manifested itself in the form of me becoming very exhausted from lack of sleep, staying up till all hours of the night with Baby Grace, who we found out later had gastrual reflux and cried and cried in pain and was much of the time inconsolable. This, because of my postpartum depression, made me feel very inadequate as a mother, feeling like I wasn't doing a very good job at consoling my daughter, and led me in a downward spiral of helplessness.

Some of the contributors to PPD are an unstable relationship, lack of support from a spouse, a difficult pregnancy, concern about the baby's health before and after birth, and exhaustion, as well as already being pre-disposed to having it because of a chemical imbalance, and also you are most likely to get it if you have already had it with a precious pregnancy. These are just a few of the contributors to PPD and it is no wonder that I experienced it because I had them all.

Aside from me becoming physically exhausted, (even having 2 complete days of vertigo that was so bad where I could barely walk and was very scary), my PPD also manifested itself in the form of anxiety which is also another common contributor, and unique to my experience with it, I became after the birth of both of my daughters, very over-protective of them, feeling like they were in danger and I had to protect them.

I had to be hospitalized both times to get the chemicals in my body balanced out, and while I was in the hospital after giving birth to my daughter, Grace, trying to heal from all the trauma I was dealing with before and after her birth, someone called the DCFS, (Department of Children and Family Services), and made a false allegation about me saying that I was abusing my children. Thus, they opened an investigation, and ended up placing my two daughters in foster care with complete strangers, with them being in two  separate homes.

It's been quite devastating on the whole family, though, most especially on me and my daughters. We have been praying that they will return home soon and asking others to join us in prayer... and hopefully, God willing they will return home this Monday. And then the Healing begins... especially for my precious daughters, for me and for our entire family... (for we have all been effected by this in varying degrees). God's Love is great and so is His Grace and it has been getting us all through this horrible experience to a brighter, healthier, happier "future full of Hope," that He has promised us!

I don't know exactly why this had to happen, why God allowed me to get sick with PPD or why He has even allowed me to have a chemical imbalance that pre-disoed me to having it in the first place.  All I know is, it's a part of my cross and in the cross is found great Grace, Beauty, Love, Joy and Hope if we but seek to find it there.

Perhaps, God has allowed all of this to happen in my life because He knows that with His continued Love and Grace and Hope I will continue to get through and overcome this trial as I have so many others in the past... and perhaps, this time... it's finally time to stop feeling ashamed of the cross He's given me and keeping it locked up inside of me as a secret only few have known about... but to lift it high and truly allow the radiant Light of His Glory to come shining through and from within me.

For, "It is no longer I, but Christ Who lives within me," Galatians 2:20 and how He longs and Loves to show His Glory through through those who live for Him and have suffered as they have lived their lives through, with, and in Him! Maybe, in so doing, I just might even be able to inspire others to do the same... to lift high the cross God has given them, (no matter what it might be), and allow God's radiant Light to shine through it and from within them... for their is great Beauty to behold in the Cross!

God's Grace has been carrying me and my daughters through this and will lead us back to each other very soon, so we can continue the beautiful new lives God intends for us to live. I just continue to pray that throughout all of this God Will be glorified and with thriumpth as He always does and that others will come to believe in Him and have even stronger Faith then before because of it!

Thank you for your ongoing prayers.  Many Blessings of God's Love, Grace and Goodness be with you and your family for your kindness! 

1 comment:

  1. I am a PPD warrior too. Thank you for sharing your experience. I have to say, I shook my head the entire time reading this. It's like you read my journal. I too was ashamed of it and after 7 years, I've finally started talking about it and have been working on a book to help others get through it. Your blog is very inspirational. Hope to read more!