Saturday, December 3, 2011
Dreaming of You... Surrendering To The Mystery
Today is my fourth day of bed rest, that was ordered by my doctor when I saw him this past Tuesday to get my ultra-sound. I am needing to see a specialist due to me having a high risk pregnancy. As I mentioned in a previous blog, at my last visit my doctor discovered that my cervix had prematurely opened and that I had even been having small contractions, and so he put me on a week's bed rest to see if my cervix would close naturally on its own and if it hasn't by the time I go to see him this coming Tuesday, he will have to put a stitch in my cervix to prevent it from opening any further, before I am ready to give birth to my daughter near the end of April. In the meantime, to prevent me from having any more contractions until it's time for me to actually go into labor, a nurse will be coming to see me once a week to give me a progesterone shot to prevent that from happening, which would only cause my cervix to open more... which is what we don't want. I spoke with the nurse on the phone and she will be here later this afternoon to give me my shot as well as stay for about two hours to teach me how to take care of myself and my precious little one, growing in my womb, so as to prevent early labor... and ensure a safe pregnancy and delivery. I am looking forward to her visit and am feeling Hopeful about the outcome.
With all this free time on my hands, I've had a lot of time to think about things, pray and imagine what my future might look like once my sweet, baby daughter is born. Pregnancy is truly such a mystery... it really is! To think that here, in my own very womb, just below my skin, lives and grows a beautiful, new human being, never been seen before by this world, (though, only a few through some ultra-sound pictures!). And not only a human being, but to clarify, even more profoundly... a beautiful child and daughter of God, our Heavenly Father and Creator. Amazing! Truly Amazing, when you take some time to really think about it.
And I realize even more how amazing this all truly is for me. I am very well aware as I was during my pregnancy with my daughter, Audrey... that this child I am carrying and caring for in my womb is not only a child of God, but also my own child... a special gift, blessing and miracle that God has chosen to give to me. She is just as much a part of me, as I am of her... as she is of God... as God is of me and her... as we are of God! Truly amazing... and so deep a mystery that only pure silence and stillness in Gratitude and Love can I even begin to comprehend this most awesome gift, blessing and miracle from God.
I dream of my daughter... who is right here with me, and so much a part of me as I am her! I wonder what she will look like, and how wonderful it will be to finally see her and hold her in my arms for the very first time. I dream about her meeting her older sister, Audrey, for the first time and seeing the beautiful connection that I believe already exists between them that can only be shared between two siblings and even more special, between two sisters. I am the oldest of three children, with two brothers, one in Heaven and one still living. As much as I love my brothers, I have to say, I always wished I would have had a sister as well. I always thought what a special blessing it was for a girl to have a sister. A special blessing it really is... and so I am happy that my two, little girls will have each other to she a lifetime of friendship, love and support as we build beautiful memories that we will keep and cherish in our hearts our whole life through.
It's just an amazing time and a blessed, holy, sacred time. It's a true Mystery... and I just want to continue to surrender myself to this Mystery, (The Ultimate Mystery of all... Whom is God), and fall gracefully into His reassuring arms of Love, Hope, and Peace. I surrender all of my fears that I might have about my future, unknown and continue to place all my trust in our Loving God, our Heavenly Father, Who wants Good for our lives and not evil, and truly prepares "a future full of Hope," for all His children who love Him and call upon Him with Faith.
During this Advent season of waiting, longing and hoping to see our Lord and Savior, come to us again at Christmas... there is great JOY in knowing, that although, we wait to celebrate the beautiful mystery of His incarnation at Christmas, the reality is... is that He was already born for us over 2,000 years ago... and is here with us now in our very hearts and midst. And yet, still we wait for Him in Joyful Hope and anticipate His coming once again, at Christmas, to experience His real Presence in an even deeper and fuller way. For we await the special miracles that can truly be received at the blessed time of Christmas... when we open up our heart to believe and receive the very special gifts that God truly longs to give us. This is truly a time of great Joy... and the more we realize this Joy... the more Joy abounds in our hearts and the more we have to share with the world!
Your prayers for me, my little growing baby girl and my family are very much appreciated and I continue to keep all of you uplifted in mine as well!
Many Blessings of JOY to you and your family! :)